Trapped in a bad boss – employee relationship?

“Experiencing a toxic boss (female) at the moment, complete nightmare. I went on medical leave 4 months after starting a new job and when I returned I was given 2 work options. I picked the small project option. She has set out to sabotage it for the entire 8 months I have been working on it. Have been looking for another job within the same company for that entire 8 months…so far no luck.” – JC from Is your boss trying to sabotage your career . . . and what you can do about it!

Have you ever had to deal with a difficult relationship? It is to be certain not easy.

However, a difficult relationship becomes even more trying when it happens to be with your boss. Especially if like most people, you are dependent upon your job to pay the bills and keep a roof over your head.

As a result, you likely feel trapped and powerless.

In such a situation, work life becomes an exercise in endurance as opposed to being a rewarding and productive experience.

The question then becomes; what can I do about it?

“The lesson I learned was if your boss hates you, get out.” – RMS from Is your boss trying to sabotage your career . . . and what you can do about it!

Do I have to quit, suffer in silence or do I speak up and risk getting fired?

In today’s post I will zero in on the 5 key steps that will empower you to take back the reigns of your career aspirations, whatever they may be (and wherever they may lead).

1. Determine If You Are The Only One

While you do not want be seen as inciting rebellious behavior among co-workers or against the corporate culture, you’re probably not alone in your experiences in dealing with a difficult boss – employee relationship. In this regard, it’s important to seek feedback from fellow employees whom you trust (emphasis on the word trust), to confirm if the strain in your relationship with your boss is limited to an isolated personality conflict, or an overall management style.

A cautionary note, while it is important to seek meaningful feedback, you do not want to become a charter member of the “I hate the boss” movement. Getting caught in a commiserators club, will actually trap you more as opposed to setting you on the path to freedom.

2. Know With Whom You Are Dealing

If there appears to be a pattern of behavior on the part of your boss that extends to his or her relationship with other employees, then the next step would be to try and understand why they are compelled to act in such a manner.

There are some bosses who truly do not know that their behavior is problematic (The Reasonable Toxic Boss), or believe that this is in fact the most effective way to lead or manage people (The Rational Toxic Boss).

Regardless of the personality type, gaining this much needed perspective will help you to determine the next course of action you can take to resolve relationship issues with your boss.

3. Plan Your Approach

Based on feedback from your fellow employees, you have determined that it is not you, but the boss who is mostly responsible for the disconnect.

You have also identified your boss’ personality type, by the manner in which they deal with others.

You are now ready to approach your boss in terms of attempting to have a meaningful and productive dialogue.

For example, with the Rational Toxic Boss, a conciliatory approach in which you seek his or her guidance on helping to improve relations makes the most sense. With the Reasonable Toxic Boss, merely creating constructive awareness may be the ticket to better days ahead.

The key point to remember at this point, is that like most people, your boss likely has their good traits as well as less than desirable traits. None of us are perfect. Don’t approach them from a position of anger or frustration, but one that is firm, respectful and conciliatory.

By taking this approach, their reaction may surprise you.

4. Managing The Aftermath

Depending on how the discussion goes, you should schedule regular meetings with your boss in an effort to ensure that you are helping them to achieve their objectives or goals.

Establishing a consistent line of communication will enable you to build a rapport through which both you and your boss can derive the greatest benefits.

5. No Matter What The Outcome . . .

Finally, and no matter what happens, “never” as Mark Twain so aptly put it “argue with stupid people,” as “they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

Always be both professional and courteous in your interactions with your boss no matter how unreasonable they may become. This rationale will help you to best showcase your true character as well as speak volumes to those watching, as you never know through whom your next opportunity may come.

Besides, conducting yourself is such a manner will both empower you as well as restore a sense of control over your life.

In conclusion, manage your attitude on a daily basis. How you view challenging situations will determine the outcomes you create, whether consciously or unconsciously.

To quote Sid Ridgley, a pragmatic strategist, how you see the world, how you handle stress and how you manage relationships are all linked to your thinking patterns. You don’t have to change who you are but you must be flexible in communicating with all types of people. Your ability to think differently will help you to identify solutions that can weather the storm with challenging bosses.

In this context, I would like to leave you with the following saying that has, over the years, become increasingly meaningful to me.

You sow a thought and reap an act.

You sow an act and reap a habit.

You sow a habit and reap a character.

You sow a character and reap your destiny.

 

Do you know the difference between the fear of success and the fear of failure?

My guide How To Make 2015 Your Breakout Year will not only help you to recognize the common obstacles that befall all of us, it will also enable you to take action within the framework of your own unique gifts and abilities to make this year your most successful ever.

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FedEx Commercials and the Toxic Boss (Stealing Ideas)

I recently posted a series of articles on dealing with a toxic boss to which I have received a tremendous response.

By writing the series, I did not want to give the impression that anyone who holds a position of leadership is automatically going to look for ways to deliberately make your life miserable and derail your career.  That said we are all nonetheless familiar either directly or through the experience of others, with the challenges of having to work for someone who is less than supportive.

In my research for another post, the following FedEx commercial presented a truth about which we can perhaps smile if for no other reason than the fact that we have all been there at one point in our career.

While the old saying that originality is the ability to conceal your source may seem amusing, no one with whom I have talked finds any humor in a situation where a boss has laid claim to their ideas.

As an executive coach I am frequently asked how to deal with scenarios that arise in the workplace such as when a boss poaches an employee’s idea.

My advice in this regard is to say something, but unlike the employee in the FedEx commercial, do so in a fashion that repossesses your idea as opposed to calling your boss out.

How do you repossess your idea?  Simply add information to what your boss has already said to which they would not have anything else to contribute.  By doing this, you avoid confrontation but you also get to reclaim your power.

Do you have a story or experience with a toxic boss that you would like to share?

I am interested in hearing from you by way of the comment section below, including what you did to resolve the situation.

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Is your boss trying to sabotage your career . . . and what you can do about it! (Part 4 of 4)

In this 4-Part series on toxic bosses I have attempted to shed both a needed and unique light on a challenge many of us face but few actually talk about beyond quiet grumblings.

For some, the present day job market and the resulting lack of alternate prospect seem to force us to tolerate the at times insufferable behavior of a boss who appears to be bent on making our lives miserable for no other reason than having questionable personality traits.

In other instances, we remain with the same organization even though options might exist elsewhere, simply because we have been with the company for a long time.

Regardless of how we might find ourselves in the unenviable position of having to directly report to a superior who has the uncanny ability to upset and disrupt our work lives – sometimes even spilling over into our personal lives, there are options other than quitting in a fit of frustrated rage. As difficult as it might seem, we do have the ability to lessen the impact these individuals have on our sense of professional well-being.

Once again, in Parts 1 through 3, I have provided an in-depth look at the question of toxic bosses from a number of important angles, including what you can do to limit the impact of bad boss behavior.

In today’s 4^th and final post I will zero in on the 5 key tips that will empower you to take back the reigns of your career aspirations whatever they may be.

1. While you do not want be seen as inciting rebellious behavior amongst co-workers or against the corporate culture, you’re probably not alone in your experiences in dealing with a toxic boss. In this regard, it’s important to seek feedback from fellow employees whom you trust (emphasis on the word trust), to confirm that the strain in your relationship with your boss is not limited to an isolated personality conflict but an overall management style.

2. If there appears to be a pattern of behavior on the part of your boss that extends to his or her relationship with other employees, then the next step would be to try and understand why they are compelled to act in a manner that is having a negative impact on those who report to them.  As I had indicated in Part 2 of this series, there are some bosses who truly do not know that their behavior is problematic (The Reasonable Toxic Boss), or believes that this is in fact the most effective way to lead or manage people (The Rational Toxic Boss).  Regardless of what personality type with whom you are dealing, gaining this much needed perspective will help you to determine the next course of action you can take to resolve issues with the boss.

3. Also covered in Part 2 is the manner in which you should approach your boss in terms of attempting to have a meaningful and productive dialogue.  For example, with the Rational Toxic Boss, a conciliatory approach in which you seek his or her guidance on helping to improve relations makes the most sense, while with the Reasonable Toxic Boss merely creating constructive awareness may be the ticket to better days ahead.

4. Depending on how the discussion goes, you can perhaps schedule regular meetings in an effort to ensure that you are through your efforts, helping your boss to achieve their objectives or goals.  By establishing a line of communication you can then build a rapport through which both you and your boss can both benefit.

5. Finally, and no matter what happens, “never” as Mark Twain so aptly put it “argue with stupid people,” as “they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”  Or to put it another way, and following the edict that two wrongs never make a right, always be both professional and courteous in your interactions with your boss no matter how unreasonable they may become. This rationale will help you to best showcase your true character as well as speak volumes to those watching.  You never know who might be watching who might be considering another opportunity for you!

Wise words for dealing with a toxic boss!

In conclusion, manage your attitude on a daily basis. How you view challenging situations will determine the outcomes you create, whether consciously or unconsciously. To quote Sid Ridgley, a pragmatic strategist, how you see the world, how you handle stress and how you manage relationships are all linked to your thinking patterns.  You don’t have to change who you are but you must be flexible in communicating with all types of people. You ability to think differently will help you to identify solutions that can weather the storm with challenging bosses.  See your boss as a difficult customer which will depersonalize the situation.  Showcasing your resiliency and adaptability will allow you to coast in tough situations.

I’d like to leave you with the following saying that is very meaningful to me.

You sow a thought and reap an act.

You sow an act and reap a habit.

You sow a habit and reap a character.

You sow a character and reap your destiny.

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Is your boss trying to sabotage your career . . . and what you can do about it! (Part 2 of 4)

In part 1 of this series I shared just a couple of examples of what it is like to work for what we referred to as a toxic boss.

There is of course a price you will likely have to pay for having to deal with a bully and/or narcissistic leader.  The focus of this post which is the 2^nd in a 4-part series is to highlight the personality types of difficult bosses, and what you can do to manage through a bad situation.

However, and before we get into specific personality profiles, there are two critical rules to both remember and follow.

SET A TIME-FRAME AND CREATE YOUR CONTINGENCY PLAY:

If you have a truly bad boss, don’t wait for them to ruin your career before moving on.  When considering the length of time that you should stick it out with a toxic boss, keep in mind that the longer you stay in an unhealthy situation, the worse it is likely to become.  Once you read the handwriting on the wall, force yourself to be proactive and prepare your resume. You will feel better about yourself if you have a contingency plan.  Even if your boss is a great person outside of work, it is how they treat you during the day that reflects the true nature of your relationship.

STAY UNDER THE RADAR SCREEN WHILE YOU ARE IN THE “WAITING ROOM”

While you are in the “waiting room”, until you make up your mind about leaving,  limit your exposure to your toxic boss as you consider the price you are paying.  Whenever possible, stay under the radar screen to avoid being ridiculed or criticized publicly. Be aware that dysfunctional bosses become confidence robbers if you overstay your welcome and allow their negative feedback to define you.  (I speak from experience when I make this suggestion.) This will cost you in credibility with peers and your stakeholders.

FOR THE REASONABLE TOXIC BOSS (who lacks the sensitivity gene):

Create a safe time to speak, when they’re in a good or better (i.e. receptive) mood.   Keep a calendar of when they have better times as opposed to moody times. Using diplomacy, ask if you can discuss a situation with them.  Avoid using “problem” as defenses go up naturally.  Refer to a past incident that you’ve noticed has happened a few times since.  Find a way of saying that “I know you aren’t trying to sabotage me but it just feels that way. It makes me feel that I’m really dumb.”

Obviously working together to resolve the differences to get what you both want is optimal with the reasonable toxic boss.

FOR THE TOXIC BOSS (who repetitively steals your thunder):

There is another personality profile that warrants special attention, which is the Toxic Boss Who Steals Your Ideas and just loves the attention.

In Part 3 of the series I will delve into this area of the boss – employee relationship, and provide you with the tools to effectively deal with someone who poaches your ideas while leaving you to toil in the shadows of anonymity.

FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE TO REACH BOSS:

Get yourself out there, not complaining but selling yourself to another department.

When your buttons are being pushed, score your need to bite back from one to five.  One to two means totally ignore them. Three – walk away, while either a 4 or a 5 means that you must take action. If your character, credibility or performance are being sabotaged, you must decide that it’s time to go to HR or leave. Any of these circumstances fall into a 4 or 5.  If you can laugh it off, then bite your tongue and ride it out until you find another position.  Again, always ask yourself what’s the price you will pay in the long run.

 

Above all, and in situations involving the impossible to reach boss, I like to recall the words of Mark Twain who once said . . . “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

Of course it would also be wise to remember the words of George Washington Carver who said “Let no man drag me down so low as to make me hate him.”

Whatever axiom you may choose to embrace. the key point is to remember not to wait until your reputation is destroyed and you have no choice but to leave.  Where you can, always leave with dignity and keep in touch with colleagues.

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Is your boss trying to sabotage your career . . . and what you can do about it! (Part 1)

I can remember watching classic cartoons such as The Jetsons with my son and was struck by the way in which George Jetson’s boss Mr. Spacely was portrayed as having a mercurial temperament where at the drop of a hat he would go from firing his bewildered employee, to promoting him to Vice President then, back to firing him.

While some might suggest that this is just a cartoon, what is interesting is that similar portrayals do in fact play out in the work place every day.  Books such as Unstable at The Top, authored by Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries and Danny Miller bring to light the challenges employees face when dealing with what can only be described as a “toxic” boss.  Can you relate to working with the wrath of a toxic boss?

In my own career as a branding specialist and leadership coach, I have seen first-hand where people’s behavior were outrageous but because they brought in the results, senior management just accepted their emotional/erratic/dysfunctional actions.

Toxic Boss Story # 1:

An example that immediately comes to mind was when my client Sue who was viewed as being a rainmaker, was given the opportunity to jump two levels at another organization.  To keep her employed and happy, the President stepped in as her sponsor and got her promoted with the promise she would go up an additional level within six months.  Based on such high level intervention, it would seem logical that my client was in the ideal situation being positioned for long-term success. After all, wouldn’t one think that having the support of the President was insurance for future success?

Unfortunately, being championed by the President proved to be more of a hindrance than a blessing. The reason for this was because the President’s direct report, John, resented his interference in insisting that this woman be hired and promoted in his department.  John resented the President undermining his authority.  This was because John had already decided to promote a friend to the position that this so called rainmaker now held.

Suffice to say, John did everything he could to make her life miserable.

Besides bullying her, he found every reason to rob her of confidence by complaining about her work in front of colleagues, and claiming that she wasn’t mature enough to handle the stress or change that the new position required.

Eventually she got transferred but never recovered from his badmouthing.  Her once promising career unfortunately stagnated.

Sadly, and to avoid butting heads with a toxic boss, some employees will opt for job security and accept the consolation prize as the best alternative.

Toxic Boss Story # 2:

Another example of a toxic boss can be found in a recent situation where he was a results oriented  producer , loved by leadership but disliked by anyone not on his team. Politically savvy, this boss hired Eric, a person whom he had befriended.

In his new role, Eric was given the task of being the bad cop so that the boss could look like the good cop.  With virtually no support from the boss but certainly lots of pressure, Eric communicated in the same abusive style as that of his “mentor.”   Unfortunately, he was outnumbered by his colleagues towards whom his abusive tone was directed and got nailed.  Sadly, and even though Eric adopted a “when in Rome” approach to dealing with a toxic leader, he was ultimately hung out to dry by the very boss he had chosen to emulate.

So what is the answer when confronted with having to deal with a toxic boss on a day in, day out basis?

In part 2 of this series, I will provide definitive action strategies that will help you to navigate the difficult and trying waters of a boss’ destructive behavior to not only reduce its impact on your career and life, but also help you to overcome and succeed either within your present company or in making the move to a new organization.

In the meantime, do you yourself or someone you know have a story of having to deal with a difficult boss and what you did (or tried to do) to deal with it?

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